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The Ideal Husband

Monday, August 4, 2008

B emailed me a link to an article written by Maureen Dowd for the New York Times about Father Pat Connor's advice on how to choose an ideal husband. Apparently, it is quite common to find couples who do not truly know the person they married. I wish I had read this article years ago. It would have saved me a lot of pain and expense not to mention lost time.

Never marry a man who has no friends. So true. He used to tell me about this or that friend from elementary, high school or from his shortlived part time job but none of these friends were lasting friends. If you ask me who his bestfriend is, I couldn't tell you. Not even one friend that he still in touch with.

Does he use money responsibly? He splurged when he had money (that he got from who knows where) but most of the time he was broke probably because he never had a job during our marriage.

Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It may sound great at first but after a while, you want somebody you can admire doing his job, who has his own friends, and interests.

Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? He wasn't but he wasn't patient and loving either (his mom was paralyzed due to a stroke and used to shout at her when she got makulit).

Does he have a sense of humor? This one he did have which made it easy for him to make people like him. Chatty too.

Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. I didn't know he was a problem character until he told me later how his relatives thought I could change him.

Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive? On the surface he seemed like a nice person easy to get along with. Later you will realize, he lies all the time even when he doesn't have to, secretive and weak willed.

"If I knew back then what I know now,
If I understood the what, when, why and how,
Now it's clear to me what I should have done,
But hindsight is 20/20, 20/20 vision"

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